Ain’t Love Grand

coupleOnto the bus today got an older couple. By older I mean maybe late 40’s early 50’s kinda new hipster couple who you know have only just found new love. They’re dressed smartly in casual ‘going out date wear’ and choose the seat in front of me. Immediately they’re ka-noodling and chatting still in the glow of the happy early days of their new relationship. Isn’t that cute (vomit) I think looking out the window.  Looking back I notice there is this black thing in the woman’s hair as she sexy-flicks it turning to converse with to her new spunky beau. It’s about 3-4cms long .. hmmm that’s a funny hair clip?  No wait.. it’s moving!!

Holy crap man that’s a WORM!!!!!

She’s sitting on the window side directly in front of me and the worm is also on the  window-side of her head+hair too. So captain spunky can’t see it when they kiss and turn to each other to chat. She has no idea it’s there either.

So.. I get thinking to myself:

“ Do I tap her on the shoulder and tell them?”

“Do I take a photo and post it on facebook…”

But my thoughts quickly change to self preservation. Oh shit hope that thing don’t get flicked onto me, in one of her flirty sexy head turns to her man.

Back to mr worm. I’m watching him crawling,  his million little legs oscillating away up as he snakes slowly towards the top of her head. By this time I’ve also shuffled across to the next seat and out of the line of worm flick fire..I hope.

Soon our little worm explorer makes it all the way up to the more secure location of the PART in the middle of her hair.. ” ahhh nice it’s like a little nest up here” he’s thinking. Surely mr sexy has seen him by now? Its a very dark morning and he of course being super cool, has sunnies on. He can’t see shit.

By now I’m feeling a bit guilty and thinking I gotta tell them.  I’m getting visions of him turning to kiss her and coping some worm tongue instead. Could be the pivotal and horrible moment which spells an end to their budding romance?  It’ll be all my fault!!??

But its all too late. It’s their stop and they are getting off.  So up they get. Mr does the gentlemanly thing and steps aside and allows his new love out of the seat first. He’s gotta see it on her head, surely he’s looking right at it following her to the exit?? But alas no he hasn’t seen it.

“Perhaps they like little wormy?” I’m thinking. What if they’re into that kinda thing?  Is it their pet?  Holding hands they get off the bus with their worm child aboard her hair cradle.  Out into the sunshine as they step off the bus. Suddenly Mr spots wormy on the top of her head.    “ You’ve got something in your hair…  WTF A WORMM!!”  Swiftly he comes to her rescue flicking it off. I’m watching thru the bus window so I have no audio but I can bet that’s what he is saying.  I do hear her squeals however, when she discovers the horror of it all. Her hands racing through her hair in that “get the fuk off me dance” you do when walking through spider webs.

This classic happens all as the bus is moving off and I’m watching her mad stomping panic dance, he screams also trailing off in the distance.  I wondered.. would this be the end of their relationship? Was that a deal breaker? Maybe it might have been if little wormy made it to their pashing lips? Would their new found love be strong enough to see past this little incident?  Ah the perils of new love, isn’t love grand.


  1. Funny how you call someone in their 40's "older"!?I dare you to write a blog about your upcoming doctors appointment when they jam their fingers up your ass and ask you to take a deep breath and hold it in…all part of being 40 and taking care of your health (or some justifying words to that effect).

  2. yeah okay! I defined them as being "older" or 40's as being older to juxtapose them with the teenagers you might typically see publicly displaying their affections

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