With so much negative PR and many health “expert” bandwagon jumpers criticizing the Colonel’s breadless burger as ‘heart attack’ slops or ethically irresponsible etc.. I thought its about time someone who has actually eaten one review it! So I drove my manwagon to the nearest KFC drivethru to get 3 Mantimes for objective eating. You can catch up on that review here,
At some point in every red blooded man’s life, testing your stomach’s elasticity limit is an essential part of manhood.
Discovering the ability to excel in this field amongst fellow men is like realising you have manjedi powers. Eating 5 KFC Mantimes is a feat that requires the force to be strong both before, during and most definitely after the experience!
This week I first diverted my manquest to the swamplands of Degobah venturing into Galleria shopping mall where amazingly I found my lightsaber of choice at House – a metal manskewer for kababing my 5 Mantimes. This was an ancient mythical manjedi technique I have been wanting to try ever since I first dreamt of the ‘drive thru meat on a stick’ concept – so what better opportunity to test my manmeatstick prototype taking on the 5 Zinger Doubles manchallenge. With a quick visit to the Colonel, at the 1st drive drive thru window, I ordered my 5 Mantimes and with manskewer in hand headed back to the office. I respectfully unwrapped each of the 5 Mantimes and manlined them on to my manskewer. Once each was on the skewer I could actually feel it bend from the weight.. This was a mammoth task as I was about to consume the following:
10 Zinger fillets5 rashers of bacon10 cheese slicesFiery sauce12400kj+1.25kg+ of chicken and bacon175g+ of fat240g+ of protein10g+ of sodium
‘Size matters not’.. ‘Do or do not, there is no try’… these were mantruths I learnt growing up manfeating other challenges such as 2 extra hot Nandos chickens, kilo steaks, 18 Red Rooster pieces, 22 Pizza hut slices, 5 Mains at Sebastian’s and 4 triple cheeseburgers in single sittings. As I commenced eating the Mantimes from top to bottom of the skewer, mangrazing the first 3 Mantimes was like trip down memory lane as I was only here a week ago. It was like watching a re-run of Rocky Balboa staying in touch with my inner child manhood.
As anticipated, completing the 4th Mantime was where mantime met mancrime and started to push the boundaries of consciousness and reality.. I could see a city in the clouds…and like the sequels to Rocky, I really had to ask whether a 5th Mantime would end in a flop and be completely manstupid. It was here where I could feel the dark side of the manforce creeping in confusing my rhythm and causing me to break out in mansweats. For about 30 seconds I was in a mutual standoff with the manskewer.
like colliding galactic forces of good and evil, we were in lockdown.
Looking at the 9th cheese slice that was almost falling out of the last Mantime, I had evil thoughts that maybe it will fall off and it could make it that little bit easier.. but with huge manremorse, I scooped up the slice and packed it in and committed to eating that last Mantime. After 16 min and 48 sec, the last Mantime was consumed. I don’t know if it was a dream or not but I’m sure I saw the Colonel manghost appear standing before me with Obi-man Kenobi and manakin Skywalker. They smiled for a few seconds as I stopped to ponder what I had achieved.
In conclusion, I still have to back up my KFC Double review and say while definitely stretching the realms of sanity, reality and cholesterol; 5 x Doubles was possibly the biggest manfeat I’ve achieved to date. And surprisingly, its been the most hangover free post manchallenge experience I’ve ever had. KFC have done well to create a month of Mantime where men can safely challenge each other to many a challenge this April and confidently know that the next day, if they had to, safely back it up time and time again.
To the KFC Mantime and 5 manchallenge gauntlet – in my opinion, this has been the best manpromotion this side of 2000. It has successfully combined manhood and manjoys in one to create a man experience that can be enjoyable and feasting for the ultimate manbonding that we all can really appreciate.
Daniel Romeo is the the author of many best selling food slut books and self help guides. Daniel also lectures at Carnnivore University CA.